Monday, May 30, 2011


I felt incredible all day today

everything was really easy to let go of all day, stress free
I'm thinking that it's the two Klonopins I had at the bar last night

that marks the first time in my life that I've ever taken an
anti-anxiety drug. And I've never taken an antidepressant,
even though I should have many times in the past

I've gone through years of crippling depression
I always looked for tools, mostly changing my thoughts
to fight that dark cloud.

I dealt with anxiety attacks and panic attacks almost every night
for years

I still deal with the occasional mini-bout of depression
here and there, but it never usually lasts for more than a day.
That heavy blanket of depression is annoying, but it doesn't
have the power over me that it used to.

Anxiety is a whole different story, I deal with that shit every day.
I take long walks, meditate, and anything else I can get my hands
on to deal with it.

Anxiety is a pain in the ass.. and what's worse is, I know it's all
mental.. it's just an illusion. I can handle it most of the time.
It takes a lot of energy to combat all the thoughts that show
up.. thoughts of dread and "what ifs".
I get a little better at dealing with it every day..
it will all be behind me soon.

Today was the first day in a long time that I didn't feel anxiety
at all, not for one second.

I liked it


Angie Kritenbrink said...

I take a little Prozac every day because I have a super duper PMS problem called PMDD that makes me do things like . . instead of going to work . . i just would drive to another town and never go back (when was like 23).

For a long time I didn't treat it because I thought it would change me too much, but it didn't.

Be careful what you mix though . . .

starheadboy said...

I don't have medical insurance, so I usually just self-medicate through my good friend alcohol. I drank the night I had the Klonopin too. It felt great, especially the next day.... but, since I have no medical insurance.. I don't see that situation happening again any time soon.

Angie Kritenbrink said...

Some of the anti-depressants out there are actually not that expensive. Mine would be covered by insurance but the insurance doesn't really even kick in because they are so cheap (there is a generic now for Prozac).