Monday, May 30, 2011
I felt incredible all day today
everything was really easy to let go of all day, stress free
I'm thinking that it's the two Klonopins I had at the bar last night
that marks the first time in my life that I've ever taken an
anti-anxiety drug. And I've never taken an antidepressant,
even though I should have many times in the past
I've gone through years of crippling depression
I always looked for tools, mostly changing my thoughts
to fight that dark cloud.
I dealt with anxiety attacks and panic attacks almost every night
I still deal with the occasional mini-bout of depression
here and there, but it never usually lasts for more than a day.
That heavy blanket of depression is annoying, but it doesn't
have the power over me that it used to.
Anxiety is a whole different story, I deal with that shit every day.
I take long walks, meditate, and anything else I can get my hands
on to deal with it.
Anxiety is a pain in the ass.. and what's worse is, I know it's all
mental.. it's just an illusion. I can handle it most of the time.
It takes a lot of energy to combat all the thoughts that show
up.. thoughts of dread and "what ifs".
I get a little better at dealing with it every day..
it will all be behind me soon.
Today was the first day in a long time that I didn't feel anxiety
at all, not for one second.
I liked it